I know most people have probably thought about it before and at this time in my life I’ve been thinking about it the most. Teenage years are so fucking hard and not many realise because they say ‘you don’t know anything yet’ or ‘you’re still young’. But if I can’t deal with all the bullshit in my life right now, how do you expect me to survive the rest of my life?
So now I wonder; what would happen if I dropped dead, right at this moment? Who would be the first to know? Who would be the first to care? Who would care?
I always wonder whether they’d bother to read all the stuff I write. All the stuff hidden and stored in a battered dell laptop and a newly bought Samsung phone. All the stuff hidden between dressers. Crumpled bits of paper and the like. Would they search my belongings for clues or would they discard what’s mine like they discarded me. Would they feel sorry? Or would they utter good riddance under their breath as they place flowers near my name? Where would they pinpoint all the blame?
Will anyone let my ‘friends’ know? If so how? Would they call or would a simple text suffice?
Would they be proud of what I’ve achieved or would they shudder and wish they’re daughters won’t turn out the same?
Will they open the many files and hundreds of memories stored? Will anyone go through each and everyone one of my pictures and documents and what of my twitter account? My Fangirl life. Will they cherish the fact that I lead another crazy life and turned to my idols in times of despair? Or would they widen their eyes in disbelief and stare?
I wonder, for there is much to wonder about. There is much among the abyss of life.
But most of all I wonder whether my legacy will remain? Or whether I’d just be another dead mundane…?